


dunk your feelings (match our hearts)

by haoshoumon



Series: Wonwoo's kisses [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Basketball, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Constipation, Explicit Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Wonwoo has a lot of piercing rings and some tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-21
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-25 11:53:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30088680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haoshoumon/pseuds/haoshoumon
Summary: Being Soonyoung’s best friend used to be easy, until it wasn’t anymore.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Series: Wonwoo's kisses [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128077
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	dunk your feelings (match our hearts)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chanhoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanhoon/gifts).



> so... this was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm antsy and it's getting way too long, so I decided to post in smaller parts hehe  
> I'm currently REALLY obsessed with soonwoo and emotional constipation and I like sports-themed fanfics so here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Let me know if you find something weird bcz eng is not my first language and yeah enjoy!

_. where it hurts_

  
  


Jeon Wonwoo knew Kwon Soonyoung since he left his mother’s womb, and they were best friends since even before they found out that they were human beings, not cats like Soonyoung believed. Wonwoo kinda still remembered the devastated look on Soonyoung’s chubby face and, from time to time, he’d catch himself laughing at that.

Things were easier at that time, and sometimes he would catch himself wishing that they could go back in time.

Being Soonyoung’s best friend used to be easy, until it wasn’t anymore. It was easy when they were children and there was no one in the world but them and the promises that they would never be apart, that it would always be the two of them against the world. It was easy when they hadn’t yet entered the dangerous terrain that was puberty, it was easy when he hadn’t yet discovered that Soonyoung was _handsome_. It was easy when Wonwoo didn't feel like touching him all the time, it was easy when Wonwoo didn't feel his body hurt and burn with the desire to kiss him.

It was easy when Jeon Wonwoo was not totally and irrevocably in love with Kwon Soonyoung.

🏀🏀

“If you don’t get out of this bathroom right now, I’m going alone and will leave you behind,” Wonwoo said, exasperated. Hanging out with Soonyoung was always a pain in the ass.

“Wait!” Soonyoung cried out, his voice muffled through the bulky door. “Give me two more minutes.”

“I’m giving you two minutes since almost three hours,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes.

“Because you’re a wonderful best friend and know that I need to be presentable in public.”

“As far as I know, these are the same people we see every single day and that already saw you in the worst possible way, so you don’t need all of this effort to impress someone,” and, honestly, Soonyoung was always pretty.

“Shhh,” Soonyoung clicked his tongue when he opened the door and ignored Wonwoo as he scanned the surroundings, looking for his black boots. He only would take them off his feet when he wasn’t playing basketball.

Wonwoo pulled the ring on his eyebrow, a habit that he had acquired since he moved in with Soonyoung and decided that he could not continue touching him as he did before, in the name of his mental health, and bit his lip to not comment anything.

It was unbearable to know that Soonyoung was really going out like that - pants tight as hell with some rips in the thighs and knees, and a black shirt that could be considered anything but decent - and the person responsible for pulling everything out of his body later wouldn’t be him.

Because, well, pretty guys always had boyfriends, and Soonyoung wouldn’t be different. Honestly, Wonwoo was sure that there was a goddamn row of suitors just waiting for a chance to get closer, which was understandable; after all, Soonyoung was stupidly hot and played on the basketball team, which was practically a free pass for popularity.

“Let’s go, since you’re in a hurry,” Soonyoung waved his fingers in front of Wonwoo's face and headed for the door. “And I guess I'm not coming back home tonight, take the opportunity to hook up with someone, too.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo replied quietly, even though he hadn’t the slightest desire to make out with anyone other than Soonyoung himself, and opened their groupchat to tell their other friends that they already were on their way.

“I’m serious. I heard some freshmen girls are desperate because of you this week,” Soonyoung laughed softly. “Jeonghan said that he’d get us something good to smoke, also, so you’ll smoke with us first and then you can hook up with them.”

“I don’t wanna hook up with no freshmen, stupid. I thought it was already obvious that I only go to these parties to get drunk and stoned.”

“A waste, indeed,” Soonyoung shrugged and explained absolutely nothing about what he meant by that. It was hard to understand him most of the time.

The rest of the ride was filled with Soonyoung's silly comments, Wonwoo's disoriented responses, and the two of them bowing against each other to protect themselves from the cold mid-autumn wind.

“I’m not giving you my coat,” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes when he noticed Soonyoung staring greedily at it. “Nobody told you to go out almost naked.”

“You’re annoying, you could at least warm me up.”

With a roll of his eyes, Wonwoo opened the coat and waited for Soonyoung to hug him before pulling on it to cover the boy's exposed back. It was good to stay like that. It was horrible to stay like that.

Soonyoung smelled like apple bubble gum and something that Wonwoo didn't know how to define, but that reminded him of the empty courts before a match. And as much as holding Soonyoung brought a flood of sensations that he didn't know how to deal with, he loved to feel his breath beating softly against his neck while saying something that was never fully registered by his ears.

As torturous as it was to have him so close, it was also what calmed him the most in the world. Jeon Wonwoo was contradictory like that.

“Are we going to stay here all night?” He asked, shivering when Soonyoung snorted against his neck.

“No, it's too cold for that,” the smaller replied and walked away slowly before wrapping his arm on Wonwoo's and walking again. “But I think we're almost getting there.”

Wonwoo made an affirmative noise and remained silent until they heard loud music seeping down the dark street. He didn't need to look to know that Soonyoung was smiling a bit, and he let himself be dragged inside.

Soonyoung always moved as if he already knew exactly where to find their friends, even though Wonwoo didn’t see him looking at the groupchat for once. Not that he was complaining, anyway.

The party already seemed to be in full swing, the flashing lights doing a great job of getting Wonwoo dizzy before he even started drinking. Soonyoung continued to elbow their way through the people until they reached a back porch that, fortunately, was practically empty compared to the interior of the house.

Scattered on the floor and in a few couches with torn upholstery were Jeonghan, Chan, Minghao, and Jihoon.

“Good night, gentlemen,” Soonyoung waved excitedly and threw himself on Chan and Jihoon, on the couch.

“Hi, hyung,” Chan rolled his eyes but smiled affectionately as he slapped his friend's forehead. “Where is your boyfriend?”

“Around,” Soonyoung shrugged evasively and took the cigarette out of Jihoon's hand. “What is this?”

“Did your nose stop working?” Jihoon looked at him skeptically for two seconds and then went back to looking at his phone. “Hi, Wonwoo.”

“What's up,” he smiled enough not to look like a grimace and sat down next to Minghao.

“Jihoon hates me, you know.” Soonyoung snorted and swallowed for a long time before moving on to Wonwoo.

“It's perfectly understandable,” Wonwoo shrugged and accepted the blunt. He didn't like marijuana that much, not as much as Soonyoung, at least, but he wasn't in the mood to look for anything else or to be too stoned. His thoughts never leave him alone when he gets too agitated and urgently in need to relax.

“What a great best friend you are,” Soonyoung snorted again and closed his eyes. “And what a horrible song.”

“It’s not worse than that pan tapping sounds you listen to,” Jeonghan teased while drinking a bottle of soju slowly.

“Hey!” Soonyoung raised his body, outraged, and Wonwoo ended up smiling for real. It was easier to just be Soonyoung's best friend when they weren't alone, it was easier to know what the limits were and he didn't have to be so worried all the time.

“Hey!” Jeonghan mocked and lit a blunt just for himself and Minghao. “But anyway, Wonwoo, what are you doing here?”

“I thought I was welcome to be with my own friends?”

"You always are, but you could be doing better than that," Jeonghan laughed softly.

Wonwoo looked at him with a confused look and raised his eyebrows as he poked the ring in the corner of his lip.

“I have no idea of what you're talking about.”

“According to very reliable sources, Yeji-ssi, a freshman, is desperate because of you.”

“If your reliable source is Soonyoung, I am sorry to inform you that it is a false rumor.”

“The source is Yeji-ssi herself, hyung,” Chan laughed softly. “We have some classes together, remember? I heard her comment to that friend of hers.”

“Wow, there’s a lot of trust in our relationship,” Soonyoung grunted, and Wonwoo was momentarily bewildered.

“Er ... It doesn't matter,” he replied at last. That girl was pretty, more than pretty, but she just wasn't Soonyoung and Wonwoo kinda didn’t want to hook up with other people knowing damn well who he really wanted. He was pathetic like that.

“For God's sake, Wonwoo hyung, what's the use of having this face of yours if you never enjoy it?” Minghao stared at him as he turned a bottle right in his mouth. “Are you saving yourself to get married pure or something?”

A scandalous laugh shook Soonyoung's body hard, almost throwing him to the floor.

“I’d say that he became incel after we finished high school, but anyway,” he stated in the end, catching his breath. Wonwoo had no choice but to kick him. “You abusive.”

“I wanted to know what's with your despair to see me kissing someone,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes between a few swallows.

“I don't want to see anything, telling you to fuck the freshman is extremely different from telling you to make out with her in front of me,” Jeonghan slapped his knee.

“Right,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that night and stood up slowly, testing the firmness of his legs. He felt relatively normal, so _maybe_ he wouldn't regret the decisions he was about to make.

“‘Right’ what?” Chan watched him curiously.

“Since y'all are so desperate to see me kissing this girl, I'll kiss,” if he wasn't dizzy, then he could trust himself ... right?

“Nobody wants to see anything!” Jihoon grunted. “Hurry up, for God's sake, and spare us from this awful conversation.”

“Y'all started with this, though”, Wonwoo snorted and then turned to Chan. “Do you even know where she is?”

“Last time I saw her, in the kitchen. I hope she's not drunk.”

“Me too,” Wonwoo sighed and entered the house without looking back.

Maybe they were doing him a real favor, after all. Maybe he could stop being so pathetic if he made any real effort not to be in love with a guy who already had a boyfriend. Maybe he would feel better and be a better friend if he didn't spend all his time thinking about kissing Soonyoung.

It wasn't hard to find Yeji, even though trying to cross the crowded rooms was a hell. She had her back to Wonwoo, wearing a jacket - that looked exactly like the one the team wore - covering whatever she was wearing underneath and leaving her legs completely exposed. Only at that moment, Wonwoo realized that, in fact, he had no idea how to talk to someone he was interested in having anything to do with him other than asking tests' questions they didn't study for.

Still, for his luck, the girl with light blue hair that was chatting with Yeji soon noticed him standing like a tree and nudged her with fervor. It looked like she didn't want him to notice, but wasn't doing anything to hide, too.

“Wonwoo oppa!” Yeji grinned when she turned around and saw him there.

Right, she was prettier than he remembered and looked great on that tiny white dress that hugged her waist softly. If he wasn't an idiot, he could easily have a crush on her.

“Hi,” he said and tried to look less pathetic than he was feeling. “Hmm… Are you busy?”

She quickly shook her head, denying, and gave her friend a meaningful look, and the other girl chuckled and disappeared into the air in a matter of seconds.

“To what do I owe the honor?”

“I don't know how to flirt, so I'll cut to the chase: my friend Chan said you were interested in me, so…”

“So...?” She said, her eyes widening a little in expectation.

“Are you sober?”

“Absolutely. It's soda, look,” she held out the glass for Wonwoo to smell the drink, and he ended up laughing a little. Perhaps in another reality, one in which he was not so bitter, maybe he really thought she was cute enough to want more than what he was allowing himself at the moment.

“Alright, so I want to kiss you. But you don't have to if you don't wanna, I…”

“I do,” she smiled even more than before, her eyes closing in tiny half-moons while her cheeks flushed. If he stopped to think, she kinda looked like Soonyoung because of the shape of her eyes and the way her face lit up when she smiled.

He was pathetic.

Before Wonwoo could find out what he should do next, Yeji intertwined their fingers and looked around, like she was looking for something. And, when she noticed that she wouldn't find any place remotely more private, shrugged as she was saying sorry and then hugged him by his neck to pull him down and made their foreheads touch. Wonwoo knew that he needed to try harder than that, so he held her by her waist and brought her closer and closer.

Wonwoo watched while her eyes studied his face and then flushed like a fucking 13 years old virgin that never felt a woman's touch.

“I like your rings,” she almost whispered, and then smashed their lips together.

Wonwoo closed his eyes and tried his best to not allow his mind to venture into dangerous terrain. She was soft everywhere Soonyoung was firm and, before Wonwoo could stop himself, he was already making stupid comparisons that didn't even make sense.

He sighed softly when she pulled the ting on his lower lip with her teeth and concluded that maybe, _maybe_ , he could give himself up enough to not think. Perhaps the little he had drunk before was reaching his brain just at that moment because his thoughts were getting too foggy to say it was normal.

Wonwoo wanted to touch her and drown in her until all that was on his mind was Yeji and her smell of strawberry conditioner, everything that was definitely not Kwon Soonyoung.

And the airy laugh that Yeji breathed in Wonwoo's mouth and pulled him momentarily out of his daydreams also had nothing from Kwon Soonyoung, to his relief, and he half-opened his eyes as she pulled away to catch her breath.

He couldn't hear what she said next because of the noise, but it didn't seem that important when she intertwined their fingers again and pulled him toward the exit without waiting for an answer.

“I'm embarrassed to kiss in the middle of so many people,” she giggled while pulling him across the street. Technically, there were still a lot of people around, but at least it was dark enough that they were half-hidden in the shadows and no one could recognize them if they weren’t too close.

“I also find it kinda uncomfortable,” Wonwoo chuckled and blinked longly, trying to stabilize himself. His head was lighter than it should, and he knew it was kind of dangerous. He didn't want to do anything worthy of regrets. “Aren't you cold in your legs?”

“Just a bit, but I'm used to it,” Yeji shrugged and pulled him by the neck again. Wonwoo acquiesced and concluded that he definitely didn’t know how to talk like a normal person and that he would not learn anytime soon. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was kinda stoned, but it probably didn't matter that much. She seemed satisfied enough just because he was really there and interested in her.

In a silent agreement, their lips met again. This time, it seemed easier for Wonwoo not to think about Soonyoung instantly, and he held on to Yeji in the vain hope that he might be able to continue like that.

He let his hands wander as they pleased and slid them down the girl's bare thighs, receiving a loud sigh in response while feeling her skin crawl under his touch. Wonwoo wanted to touch more and more and more and make sure he never thought of Soonyoung like that again.

“Do you want to come to my house?” He heard himself asking, even though he didn't know _when_ he made the decision. But the words were already poured out there, and there was nothing he could do to take them back.

He felt Yeji's smile widen against his neck and tried to convince himself that that was a good idea. In the end, he really needed to get laid.

“I’d love to, but you have to promise that you won't tell anyone.”

“Hey!” Wonwoo grunted, offended. “What kind of horrible person do you think I am ?!”

Yeji's loud laugh resonated through his chest and he ended up smiling a bit, muttering satisfied with the kiss on the neck he received shortly thereafter.

“Won't your… friend be home?” She said instead, taking a few steps back to get to look him in the face.

“As far as I know, he’s going to his boyfriend's house,” the words had a bitter taste in Wonwoo's mouth, but he did his best to not look as frustrated as he felt.

“Okay, then let's go.” 

Even though he couldn't see anything right, Wonwoo could have sworn she was blushing and hoped that the heat that spread lazily across his chest meant something.

It was still not too late for the standard of university parties, but it was certainly too late to find some public transport or a private driver, so they went walking.

The warmth of Yeji's hand in Wonwoo's was strangely comfortable, and he didn't even care too much about the silence that was present most of the time. They stopped a few times on the way to exchange a few more kisses and, much faster than Wonwoo expected, they were in front of his building.

Only at that moment reality seemed to hit him and he realized that he was really about to go to bed with someone. It looked surreal, even though Wonwoo knew well that he was handsome and all the other things that people seemed to value.

“Do you want water?” Wonwoo's voice resonated in all the wrong ways when they entered his apartment, half disconnected from his body.

"Please," she smiled, looking around with almost childlike curiosity. Wonwoo supposed that people might be curious about how he and Soonyoung managed to live together without being buried by mountains of rubbish.

Contrary to general belief, however, they were quite clean, and Yeji seemed very relieved to find it.

After being properly hydrated, Wonwoo guided her to his bedroom and locked the door just in case; Soonyoung had a horrible habit of wanting to sleep with him whenever he was drunk and, even though he guaranteed that he’d spend the night away, better safe than sorry.

Yeji was there for a very specific thing, so Wonwoo didn’t try to be a good boy and pretend that he wanted to have deep conversations instead of sex. After all, his stupid thoughts were already getting too loud to deal with and Wonwoo didn't want to have a chance to regret it.

His hands closed on the girl's thin waist and he pulled her close for what seemed like the hundredth time that night before kissing her. There, hidden from the world, she seemed much more at ease in tangling her delicate fingers in the mess that was Wonwoo's dark hair, more at ease to allow some gasps and satisfied sleepers whenever the ring on Wonwoo's tongue dragged lazily against her mouth.

However, as much as it was good, Wonwoo felt _wrong_. He knew it wasn't those hands he wanted on himself, he knew he couldn't replace Soonyoung, and he also knew he was being a tremendous son of a bitch by allowing Yeji to think that whatever was going on between them was genuine.

He kept his eyes closed as he carefully pulled her away from him, not sure what to say. That had been a bad idea, after all.

“Hey ... Are you all right?” Yeji asked carefully, and Wonwoo could feel her attentive gaze burning his face.

“No,” he chuckled and sank on the bed before resting his elbows on his knees, head on his hands. “It's not fair, I can't do this to you, I'm sorry.”

“What happened?” Yeji crouched down beside Wonwoo and stared at him, her eyes that were so similar to Soonyoung's tinged with a concern that Wonwoo knew he didn't deserve and it just made him feel worse.

“Nothing, I just... That was a bad idea and I shouldn't have tried to use you like that,” he sighed and cringed away from the ghost of Yeji's touch on his knee, feeling embarrassed enough to not be able to continue staring at her.

“It's not like I expected anything other than maybe fucking with you, you don't have to feel bad about it,” it was all she said, frowning. “Are _you_ at least sober?”

“Yes. No. Maybe,” Wonwoo sighed, confused. “But it's not about it, I guess, it's just that I can't get him out of my head, and then I thought…”

“ _Ah_ ,” Yeji interrupted the flow of his thoughts gently, and he hated the somewhat pious look that replaced that of concern and she stood up. “You should have told me you weren’t feeling okay.”

She was already out of the room before Wonwoo could answer, and he wasn't sure if he should go after her or not. He certainly shouldn't let her leave his house alone at night, but...

Before he could complete the reasoning, she was back with a glass overflowing with water and forced him to drink it all before talking again.

“Soooo… You like someone,” it was impossible to find out what she was thinking by her voice tone, light as if they were discussing the weather. “And you thought that hooking up with me would help you forget.”

“Something like that, sorry-”

“I’m honored that you thought that I could help you overcome who managed to steal your heart,” she laughed quietly and sat down next to him. “You don't have to apologize all the time, I'm not mad. I think I probably did the same before... The only problem is that I live on the other side of the city and I have no way of getting there, now.”

“You can sleep here if you want, Soonyoung's room is empty,” Wonwoo was quick to say. It was the least he could do after he had made all that mess.

“Okay,” she smiled small and stuck her hands in Wonwoo's hair again. “You'll be mad if I'm curious, won't you?”

“The only person with the right to be angry here is you, I believe.”

“So you won't be mad if I ask who it is? I already know it's a boy because you said you wanted to get “him” out of your head, but I have no idea who it could be.”

Wonwoo looked at her for a moment and sighed softly. No one knew what he felt for Soonyoung, absolutely no one, and at that point, carrying that secret alone was suffocating him.

He’d never say anything to his friends, however, because he knew it would make everything very weird and he didn't want to take the risk of having Soonyoung finding everything out by accident.

Yeji, on the other hand, seemed like a much more reasonable option. They didn't even know each other, so the chances of being tried fell considerably, and he owed her at least one truth.

“Are you going to keep it a secret?” He ended up asking, finally. “And promise you won't judge me?”

“I'll have to judge if you're in love with the Geology teacher, but I promise I keep it a secret,” she gestured as if she were pulling a zipper over her lips and pulled a weak giggle from Wonwoo.

“Okay, so…” By God, it was odd to force the words out after having spent so much time trying to smother them. “Soonyoung.”

“Your shooting guard Soonyoung? Kwon Soonyoung oppa, who also lives here?” Yeji opened her eyes wide as if the possibility had never crossed his mind.

“The one and only, but I don't think I want to talk about it.”

But Wonwoo did want to talk about it, wanted to talk about all the things that had made him fall in love, and wanted to talk about how he felt he was going to die when Soonyoung smiled at him during a game and hugged him tightly when he made decent dunks.

“Okay,” she replied and then said nothing more, to Wonwoo's surprise. She was proving to be the opposite of everything he expected.

“I'm pathetic, aren't I?” Wonwoo sighed heavily and took off his socks before lying down completely.

“We all are,” Yeji shrugged quietly and lay on her back. “But I want to be your friend if it's not too much trouble.”

“I would love to,” he replied sincerely. “It sucks just having friends to whom I can't tell these things.”

“So we're best friends now,” she smiled and looked at him expectantly.

“Soonyoung is my best friend,” Wonwoo replied instantly.

“He doesn't count as a friend if you spend all the time thinking about shoving your tongue down his throat,” Yeji observed and chuckled. “Doesn't he know, by the way?”

“Of course not, it’d be very stupid to say something like that when we live together and play together and have been friends since we were born... And he dates someone else, it's not like he would stop liking that guy overnight just because I like him.”

“Yeah ... your life is pretty bad.”

“I know.”

“I'm sorry,” she said, and Wonwoo knew she was being sincere. He just didn't know if he liked the feeling of someone feeling sorry for himself, but he was too tired to be able to think about it.

Sleep had hit him like a runaway truck after he finally put the things he felt out there, even though he hadn't counted even one percent of everything. However, Yeji, like the angel she was, didn't even care and stayed there talking to him until he slept, and ended up falling asleep right there without realizing it.

On Wonwoo's phone, hanging up in his pocket, there were three new unread messages from Soonyoung and more broken hearts than he could have imagined.

🏀🏀

Soonyoung knew that he couldn't be angry with Wonwoo for actually taking that girl home, mainly because he knew that it had only happened because he and his other friends had been insisting. Still, part of him didn't really believe that Wonwoo was going to hook up with someone because they said he should, and the other part definitely didn't expect Junseo to break up with him on that very night.

Okay, their relationship wasn't exactly wonderful in the last few months, but he kinda hoped it was just his insecurities trying to get the best of him. It was just that, this time, Soonyoung hoped things would be different, he hoped that Junseo liked himself enough to not leave after a few months together.

By that time, Kwon Soonyoung was already convincing himself that he was of no use for anything other than sex and playing basketball, and he hated himself even more because he couldn't even enter his own house because he had the worst timing in the world.

He sat on the sidewalk in front of the building and decided that he would wait for Yeji to leave to enter. Knowing Wonwoo, he’d hardly let any stranger sleep in his bed, but it was hard to guess when he knew that Wonwoo never took anyone home.

And, by God, he shouldn't have dressed that way. The wind was even colder than when they left and made him feel even more pathetic than he had ever felt before.

He was ridiculous for deluding himself into believing he was worthy of love, and he was ridiculous for wanting the lap of someone that too busy having sex to pay attention to him, even though he knew that Wonwoo was also not to blame for anything. It wasn't as if Soonyoung told what was going on in his relationship, anyway.

Maybe Soonyoung was feeling so bad because Junseo ended everything right after fucking him and, honestly, he was feeling more like an inflatable doll than like a human being. It was ridiculous that he was sitting on the sidewalk at two in the morning, half-stoned, and crying because his ex-boyfriend was a complete asshole who apparently had zero respect for him.

He sort of suspected, however, that people were only interested in him because they wanted sex, but he still had a vain hope that he was worthy of anything more than that. Apparently, he wasn't.

Eventually, the cold became too much to bear and Soonyoung realized that he didn't need to be sitting in the street with all that wind. Perhaps his apartment corridor was as cold as the outside, but at least there would be no wind hitting his exposed back non-stop and threatening to cause him pneumonia, at best.

He climbed the emergency stairs slowly while trying to regain the sensation of his legs, and tried to listen to anything when he reached the door. It was all too quiet, however, and he had no idea if it would be safe to try to go to his room, so he sat by the door and rested his forehead on his knees while trying to cry without making a sound.

Soonyoung tried to play something on his phone to distract himself, but it was difficult to see in that situation, and he was too sleepy to think enough to get anything right. He rested his forehead on his knees and felt his body relax. If you dozed off just a little…

However, his eyes didn't seem to have closed for more than two minutes when he opened them again, blinking at the silhouette of a barefoot and completely disheveled Wonwoo with his phone in hand.

Okay, he remembered saying something in a couple of texts, but he wasn't sure what it was.

“Hi,” he said, still too disoriented to think of anything else. Soonyoung felt a little hollow inside and wanted to continue like that, without remembering for sure why he was sleeping at the door of the house instead of in his own bed.

“I'm glad you're here,” Wonwoo sighed in relief and pulled him on his feet, wrapping him in a tight hug afterward. “Why didn't you come in, you idiot?”

“You finally stopped being incel, I was not going to disturb the miracle,” Soonyoung chuckled, turning into crying seconds later. His head was throbbing in pain and his chest felt bumpy, so he blamed it all on it.

“Idiot,” Wonwoo repeated softly and dragged him inside.

Soonyoung noticed a hickey that was already disappearing on Wonwoo's neck, and noticed a pair of white sneakers too small to be any of them by the door, and tried to feel happy for Wonwoo, but he couldn't feel anything but pity for himself.

"Where’s Yeji?” He asked, obeying when Wonwoo told him to sit at the table.

“Still sleeping,” Wonwoo replied absently while boiling water to make tea and then turned to face him. “Your texts were very vague, what happened to you?”

“Ah, the usual,” Soonyoung forced a little smile and wiped his face again while deciding that he really didn't care if there was a third person at home who would probably see him in that deplorable state. It was his house, after all, and he had the right to be miserable there. “He broke up with me after fucking me and I was crying like an idiot even though I know that this is what I am useful for.”

Wonwoo was static for a good five long seconds while trying to absorb what Soonyoung had just said, and then he didn't know how he was supposed to react. He loved Soonyoung, so it was obvious that he was sad when he was, but the selfish part of him, the one who was in love with that boy, trembled and jumped a little when he heard that Soonyoung was no longer attached to anyone, even though he normally never spend a lot of time single.

Still, things were much more complicated than that, and not dating Junseo didn't mean Soonyoung didn't like him, and then Wonwoo felt so much hatred that he felt the vision darken for a few moments.

He would break Junseo, even if it was the last thing he did in his life.

“Don't talk like that,” that's what Wonwoo managed to say and frowned before serving Soonyoung's hot tea. His lips were a little purplish from the cold and Wonwoo fought the urge to kiss him until he was warmed up again, choosing to hug him tightly before doing anything worthy of regrets. “You know that it’s his loss, and I hope you know that I’ll beat the fuck out of him.”

“No, you will hold me,” Soonyoung sniffed and clung to Wonwoo as if he were a lifeline. “My head is killing me.”

In an act of pure self-indulgence, Wonwoo brushed Soonyoung's hair away from his face and kissed his friend's forehead for a long time before going to the room in search of some painkiller, as he vaguely remembered that those in the bathroom had run out of the week before and none of the two lent themselves to buy more.

“Here,” Wonwoo said quietly when he returned and handed Soonyoung some pills. “You should take a hot shower and go to sleep in bed, it's still five in the morning... I'll do your Statistics report later.”

“I love you more than anything, you know,” Soonyoung smiled small and stretched when getting up.

Wonwoo knew. He just feared it wouldn't be the way he so wanted it to be.

  
  
  
  
  


_.where it’s miserable_

Wonwoo still clearly remembered their first and only kiss, even though Soonyoung certainly didn't.

And if Wonwoo was _normal_ , he probably wouldn't remember it either.

They were in the middle of their high school first year, all hormones and irresponsibility and the desire of feeling alive. That was also the first time they had tried alcohol, the catalyst for all the shit Wonwoo had ever done in his life.

They didn't take long to realize that Soonyoung was much weaker to drink than Wonwoo, but that was only the next morning while Soonyoung moaned that he was going to die and vowed never to put a drop of alcohol in his mouth again if he survived, which proved to be the biggest lie ever.

However, that night, while they were still drunk as opossums, Wonwoo gathered all the courage that was in his body and touched Soonyoung's lips with his. He didn't expect Soonyoung to reciprocate, even less that he was going to pin him between his legs while he did it, but that's exactly what Soonyoung did.

They kissed for a long time, Wonwoo doing his best to memorize every bit of Soonyoung with his fingertips while he shivered dizzily every time their tongues brushed.

That was his first time kissing a boy, although Wonwoo would rather die than tell Soonyoung or anyone else. He felt so hot that he could explode and melt at any moment, and the feeling only increased when Soonyoung started to scratch and bite.

Wonwoo knew he wouldn't be able to stop alone even if he wanted to, and he definitely didn't want to. Soonyoung's mouth was addictive, and he was sure he had never felt so… desired in his life.

The only thing that forced them to stop, in fact, was Soonyoung's stomach rejecting the drink that could be either cheap vodka or kerosene, and he pushed his friend aside before running into the bathroom and vomiting his guts while Wonwoo stared at the ceiling. and wondered if he was dreaming.

Fortunately or not, he wasn’t.

And, the next morning, Soonyoung remembered nothing but that he had been drinking until he felt sick and that Wonwoo had tucked him under the icy shower in an attempt to make him feel better.

🏀🏀

“… we’re besties, you have to let me go to your matches without complaining,” Yeji was saying while Wonwoo accompanied her to her classroom, after having spent almost forty minutes in a hellish line just to get a milkshake that wasn't even so tasty.

“I don't have to let anything, you are an adult who can do whatever you want,” Wonwoo observed and took another sip before deciding that he would give the rest to Soonyoung as soon as he found him. It was too sweet for his taste, which meant it was perfect for his friend.

“You’re the worst best friend in the world,” she grunted and waved when they reached the Psychology Department. “Thanks for walking with me.”

“No worries,” Wonwoo waved back and started to go back where they had come from, since the basketball court was practically on the other side of the campus.

They had gotten closer after that miserable night, and Wonwoo found that he was very fond of having Yeji as a friend, even though she kept teasing him whenever he mentioned Soonyoung or anything related to him, even if they were things that had nothing to do with his feelings.

Feelings, these, that were more buried than ever while he tried to be the decent friend Soonyoung deserved and needed. That breakup seemed to have been much worse than the others, even though he had dated enough times for Wonwoo to lose count and settle for the fact that he wasn't his type and would never have a chance.

The only thing that kept Soonyoung from being locked in the room, in fact, was the fear of ruining his perfect grades, which would totally attract unwanted attention from his family and higher-ups. But still, he managed to mysteriously disappear in the spaces between classes and Wonwoo could only see him in training and, if he was lucky, at home before going to sleep.

Wonwoo always arrived early on training days, and one reason was that he hated to change in front of others. On normal days, Soonyoung would tease him for behaving like a shameful Victorian maiden but, on that day, he was on the court even before Wonwoo.

“Good morning,” Wonwoo said, dropping his bag loudly on one of the benches and remained standing, watching as Soonyoung trained his dunks. Whenever there was something wrong, he tended to take it out on basketball, and the thud of his feet hitting the ground strongly seemed to help him focus on something other than hurtful thoughts.

There was something about the way Soonyoung moved that mesmerized Wonwoo: it was like he was dancing and flying and, at the same time he was everything, he was nothing. It was almost as if there was no weight on his body, nothing that could hold him when he jumped, and, honestly, Wonwoo wasn't sure if all he saw was real or if he was just too much in love and was dazzled by anything that Soonyoung did.

“I brought sugar for you,” Wonwoo amended, and that seemed to be enough to attract his friend's attention.

“Thank you,” Soonyoung forced a small smile that was nothing like his real smile and brushed the sweat-soaked hair off his forehead before going to the bench and accepting the extended glass. He frowned as he looked at the half-bitten straw and raised his eyebrows at Wonwoo. “You already drank half.”

“Yeah, Yeji made me buy one too, but I didn't like it,” Wonwoo replied disinterestedly and took the bag again before going to the locker room.

“You guys spend a lot of time together, right,” Soonyoung followed, desperate to talk about anything that distracted him from feeling so… miserable.

“She's a good friend,” Wonwoo shrugged and pretended that he wasn't feeling Soonyoung's gaze burning on his back while replacing the usual black clothes with the shabby dark blue and purple uniform he reserved for training.

“Like that boy, Mingyu, and Minghao are good friends?” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows.

“No. A good friend like Chan.”

“Did you fuck Chan?” Soonyoung gaped at him.

“I didn't fuck either,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes. Worse than having someone snooping on his sex life, it was having Soonyoung snooping anything.

“And what was she doing in her bed, really?”

“Sleeping, just like you always do,” he started spinning the orange ball between his hands while waiting for Soonyoung to finish the drink to train together while the others did not arrive.

“It’s not the same, we are best friends since your mother pooped you.”

"Shut up," Wonwoo grunted and tried some baskets in the middle of the court. Soonyoung laughed audibly and finished the milkshake in a sip before joining his friend.

“You’re a horrible friend, you have to tell gossips to improve my mood.”

“Okay, but I didn't fuck anyone. And I think I'm going to get a new piercing after class, do you want to come along?”

“I can't,” Soonyoung sighed dramatically. “My group is going to kill me if I don't show up to do our project today.”

“At least you’ll stay out of the room and I can clean that pigpen.”

“Hey!” Soonyoung threw the ball against Wonwoo's face. “My room isn’t dirt.”

Wonwoo started to respond but was interrupted by the arrival of the coach and the other boys. Sighing softly, Soonyoung put on his mask of indifference again to disguise how broken he felt inside, and Wonwoo bit his bottom lip as he watched Soonyoung's face change as water turning into wine.

Wonwoo took a deep breath and went over some strategies he already knew by heart with the coach, and then took his place on the court.

He was eager to start moving, eager to release some of the tension that perched on his shoulders and locked his back, and he was eager to sweat. He loved to sweat.

When he was too small and young to be able to hold a ball properly, Wonwoo loved to be out in the sun for hours on end, studying his own skin as droplets began to form and he felt the fabric of his shirt sticking to his back thanks to the dampiness. He was overjoyed when he found out that he was able to play sports that made him sweat even more than being in the hot sun.

After all, Wonwoo felt overwhelming freedom when he played basketball, something he didn't feel anywhere else. And, when a twelve-year-old Soonyoung decided that he wanted to do whatever Wonwoo was doing, he couldn't have been happier.

The first court they stepped on together was the one in the square behind Wonwoo's house, with a cracked floor and a ring that was rusty enough to make a small part of him afraid of contracting tetanus. Wonwoo taught him how to play, trained him enough to get a spot on the school team, and, three years later, won the title of captain and point guard while Soonyoung became his wing guard.

He honestly believed that Soonyoung was a much better player than he was, and seeing him beside him always made him feel invincible.

It was hard not to be distracted when he started moving, too, and maybe the fact that Soonyoung managed to sweat even more than Wonwoo himself made him feel even more in love with him.

🏀🏀

Wonwoo ended up not making any new punctures because he decided to spend the money on anything that could make Soonyoung happy.

He worked out some details about a report he would make with Jeonghan and then went straight to a supermarket, feeling his chest even hurt as he looked at the price of the meat and put it in the cart. If Soonyoung even doubted his love for him, Wonwoo swore that he would not answer for himself.

It was a little tricky to carry the bags while he balanced on the skateboard, but he did it after a few tries. In the end, it would be more complicated to try to carry it under his arm.

When at home, he was pleasantly surprised to find Soonyoung on the couch with a comforter around his shoulders and his cheeks puffed out from ice cream instead of being locked in his room as usual. Maybe that wasn't exactly a good sign, but at that point, he would do anything to see you off the court.

“Hi,” Wonwoo said, dropping everything at the door and taking the bags to the kitchen.

“Hi,” Soonyoung greeted, without looking away from the television.

The apartment didn't look dirty, but Wonwoo didn't trust Soonyoung very much, so he vacuumed his room anyway and opened the window to let in some fresh air. He was definitely tired and wanted to lie down, but he knew he would never regain the strength to cook if he stopped moving, so he went straight to the kitchen and started preparing everything he knew Soonyoung liked.

“What are you doing?” Soonyoung asked, dragging his feet to where Wonwoo was just so he could rest his chin on his shoulder.

“Feeding you with real food,” Wonwoo bit the ring on the corner of his lip to prevent himself from pulling on the eyebrow while his hands were dirty with raw meat and seasoning.

“I love you more than anything, you know,” Soonyoung replied and stuck to his back like a backpack.

Maybe Wonwoo should ask him to stop saying those things because his stupid brain made his stomach churn as if it meant what Wonwoo wanted it to mean.

“ I know,” he said quietly. “Let go of me, otherwise I can't do the rest.”

“Mean,” Soonyoung grunted and perched on a chair.

“You loved me until two seconds ago. How was work?”

“Well, I think. I can't think straight when I'm busy ... But I'm fine, you don't have to worry so much.”

Soonyoung spoke as if Wonwoo did not know him better than himself, as if Wonwoo could not see through the lie in which he tried to cling.

“You know you don't have to pretend to me, right?” Wonwoo frowned and dug his nails into his dirty palms.

He wanted to touch him.

He wanted to hug Soonyoung with all the strength he had and hide him from the world until everything was fine, but he knew that this was not how things worked. But Wonwoo wanted it anyway and he couldn't remember a time when he didn't suffocate everything he desired.

However, his internal conflicts didn’t change the fact that Soonyoung, more than ever, needed a friend. Wonwoo bit the inside of his cheek hard in an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts and washed his hands quickly before crouching in front of his friend and hugging him tightly as he murmured that everything would be okay, but he didn't know if he was saying the truth.

As small as that display of affection was, it seemed to be enough to get everything Soonyoung had been holding for the past few days to be released like a torrent and, as the best friend he was, Wonwoo didn’t complain when his shirt got wet with snot and let Soonyoung cry as much as he needed.

He’d like to be good with words or anything else that could make him feel better, but his mind went blank every time he tried to find something useful to say, so he kept rocking Soonyoung until his breathing calmed down and it was safe to put away.

However, Soonyoung clung more tightly to Wonwoo's shoulders when the older man started to move away, so Wonwoo relaxed again and continued stroking his head absently.

“I want to die,” Soonyoung said, in the end. “But it would be ridiculous to give up everything because of a man, right?”

“Right, and I’d have to die together so I wouldn’t miss you,” Wonwoo bit the ring on the corner of his lip hard enough to hurt. As much as Soonyoung suffered from his breakups, he never got to say things like that, and Wonwoo wondered how badly he would be that time.

“Corny,” Soonyoung chuckled and rubbed his hands over his face. “Thanks.”

“No need to thank me,” Wonwoo squeezed his friend's cheek one last time and went back to the stove. “I wish I could help you better, but…”

“You are totally right in never dating anyone, I think I will follow the example and focus only on things that will not make me feel like shit afterward.”

“I support anything you want, except drop your major,” Wonwoo served two dishes and delivered the bigger one to Soonyoung. “And I also don't support you eating badly and disappearing all the time.”

“I'll be your shadow, then, if your _friend_ doesn't mind,” Wonwoo could see the mockery there, but he was too exhausted to wind up Soonyoung's nonsense.

“She likes you, everyone does.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes as if Wonwoo was lying and then busied himself with eating everything he could stuff inside his mouth. He always felt even more hungry than usual when he was sad, so at least that Wonwoo never had to worry about.

They ate in silence, Wonwoo's gaze wandering between Soonyoung's face and his cell phone, in which he assured their mutual friends that he was relatively ok.

“Ah!” Soonyoung exclaimed out of nowhere and drew all attention to himself. “Where did you put the new ring?”

“I didn't, I spent the money buying meat for a certain friend.”

“I doubt it, you would never stop piercing yourself because of me... It was bad and you don't want to talk, right?”

“You don't have any new piercing, Soonyoung.”

“Did you put it on your cock? That's it, right?” Soonyoung tried and Wonwoo only managed to choke just for thinking about that atrocity and choked, even more, when Soonyoung raised his eyebrows.

“You’re very problematic, for God's sake. And stop thinking about my dick.”

“I'll ask your girlfriend, then, she'll tell me the truth.”

“I'm sorry I spent money on you,” Wonwoo said, already tired of trying to explain that he had no girlfriend. At least, Soonyoung seemed to be enjoying the situation a lot.

“Too bad, I will not return anything,” Soonyoung chuckled and stretched. “Existing makes me very tired, I'm going to sleep.”

“Ok, don't forget to change the textbooks in your backpack,” Wonwoo said because Soonyoung always forgot. What he had that was smart had to go with it.

“Okay, mom, let it go,” Soonyoung rolled his eyes and tightened the comforter around his shoulders before getting up. “You can leave the dishes, I wash in the morning.

“Okay, sleep well,” Wonwoo said quietly and watched as Soonyoung returned to the room. He really wanted to be a better friend.

🏀🏀

He should have predicted that, sooner or later, Soonyoung would tire of trying to deal with the pain by using ice cream and would try anything else that would have some more tangible effect.

Wonwoo really should have known when a super excited Soonyoung knocked on his door on a Friday night saying he had changed his mind and wanted to go to the party organized by the boys on the football team, but he was so bewildered that he just nodded without thinking too much and took a quick shower to be able to accompany you.

And, well, at least he had alcohol and whatever Jihoon was smoking, because seeing Soonyoung flirting with anyone who looked at him for more than a minute was killing him inside.

“He wastes no time, right,” Jeonghan laughed softly as he watched one of Soonyoung's advances that seemed to be working too well for Wonwoo's taste.

“Yeah,” he muttered under his breath and turned the whole bottle around at once before taking Jeonghan's cigarette and swallowing it as if his life depended on it. He hated that, hated feeling as stupid and miserable as he was feeling at the time.

“Where's that little girl that hangs around you all the time, by the way?” The eldest asked suggestively.

“Why should I know? It's enough for me to have to babysit _him_ all the time.”

“I don't know, you're together and stuff,” Jeonghan shrugged and retrieved his cigarette before Wonwoo ended it all by himself.

“You should stop listening to what Soonyoung says about me, he thinks that I date anyone who looks at me for more than four seconds,” Wonwoo shrugged and drank some more before turning his back to where Soonyoung was. He had seen enough to spend the rest of the month feeling bad.

“It's not just him,” Jeonghan said and didn't add anything as he lit a new blunt. “Want it? You look a little… tense.”

“Just worried about the next game,” Wonwoo shrugged and accepted the cigarette. “I think I'll get some fresh air outside.”

Jeonghan raised his thumbs and let him take the blunt with him, as Wonwoo was clearly in need of anything to help him relax.

The music seemed as loud as it was inside and the wind was colder than he had imagined, but it was certainly better to be staring at bare trees than some stranger playing Soonyoung everywhere he couldn't.

At times like this, Wonwoo wished he could be more reckless, wished he could not be afraid of what confessing his feelings could mean. It was hell to see Soonyoung let himself be touched like that, mainly because Wonwoo knew well that the task of picking up his friend's shards, after all, would be his.

However, Wonwoo knew that he would never be brave enough; he was barely able to talk about it with Yeji and would rather die than tell any of his other friends, so Soonyoung would simply never know, even though Wonwoo half expected him to figure it all out for himself and make his life easier.

Until then, if it happened, however, Wonwoo would still be feeling… miserable.

He stuck his hands through the wind-messed hair and rubbed his eyes. Finally, all those substances seemed to be having an effect and Wonwoo was getting sleepy in a pleasant way and could barely remember the reason he was feeling bad in the first place.

The texture of his hair felt amazing on his numb fingers, so he kept messing it up absently while trying to decide whether he should go back inside or go home.

He didn't even know what he was doing at that party in the first place, and he was missing his colony of bacteria. Wonwoo never felt insufficient when he was worried about not accidentally releasing a plague on campus.

“Hey, are you okay?” A familiar voice interrupted his daydreams and Wonwoo looked up slowly. He knew that guy, but his mind was in no mood to connect a name to that face.

Wonwoo nodded weakly and went back to pulling his own hair so as not to sleep, totally oblivious to the unknown boy but not so unknown.

“You’re friends with Minghao, aren't you?” He asked.

“Hmmmhmmm.”

“Ah!” His face lit up. “Do you know where he is?”

“I won’t tell where my friend is to a stranger, and if you want to kill him?”

“Hyung?” The boy looked at him statically for a few moments and then started laughing out loud. “And I think I had a memorable face ... Anyway, I'm not a stranger and I don't intend to kill my almost-boyfriend, ok? My god, you're really high.”

The mention of being almost Minghao's boyfriend turned on some switches in Wonwoo's mind and he finally realized that the incredibly tall figure in front of him was Kim Mingyu, with whom he had already exchanged a few words in the past.

“Uh ... yes, but I need more,” Wonwoo yawned and stood up slowly. - And the last time I saw Minghao, he was at the bar.”

“Okay, thanks, hyung,” Mingyu smiled broadly and started towards the door, but stopped and turned around to face Wonwoo. “Are you going in too?”

Wonwoo nodded and forced himself to walk faster, even though the floor seemed unsteady under his feet. Mingyu waited patiently until Wonwoo reached him and put an arm around his to stabilize him and, honestly, that boy was too cool to have any kind of relationship with Minghao, who looked mean 90% of the time.

“Lucky for you, I'm very sober and driving, so I can take you home later,” Mingyu murmured and, when he saw Minghao, he forgot momentarily that Wonwoo was glued to his arm and ran away, almost knocking the older one down in the process. “Sorry!”

Wonwoo just looked at him statically, too lazy to think of an answer, and went after more drinking. If he was still noticing things around him, it meant he wasn't crazy enough.

He soon found himself in the same place where he had been with Jeonghan and Jihoon before, but neither of them - or Soonyoung - was around by now. Considering that Mingyu had already promised him a ride, it might not matter so much, after all, and he went ahead with getting more drinks that could help him with that whole plan of not thinking. Honestly, Wonwoo hated getting drunk and, at the moment, was hating Soonyoung with all his might for making him need alcohol so much.

There was a big hole in his memories that made up that moment and the next, but when he realized, Minghao was putting a seat belt around his chest and saying something that did not reach his ears. The youngest probably realized it was like talking to a wall and, laughing, said something to Mingyu before getting into the passenger seat.

Wonwoo leaned his head against the glass and closed his eyes, letting the vehicle's vibration and the other two's soft conversation rock him in a slightly uncomfortable semi-conscious state.

Too quickly, he was soon being forced to stand on his feet while Minghao fumbled in his pockets for the key to the apartment, as he definitely did not believe in the elder's ability to hit a lock in that state.

“Thank you,” Wonwoo grunted and leaned against the wall while he waited.

“You're welcome, I hope you don't throw up in bed,” Minghao rolled his eyes affectionately and patted his shoulder before leaving the key stuck inside. “See you on Monday.”

“See you,” Wonwoo replied with a yawn and locked the door, crawling feebly into the bedroom.

He didn't bother to close the bedroom door and just threw himself on the mattress, ready to go to sleep, and ignore the fact that he would probably wake up almost dead because of the hangover.

And that, of course, was before I realized that he was not alone at home. He would recognize Soonyoung's laughter anywhere, and he might even have been happy to hear it if, in the next instant, he hadn't heard his bed smash against the wall.

Right then.

He had no way of becoming more miserable.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are highly appreciated!!  
> if you wanna chat, my twt is @haoshoumon and I'm gonna update this when I'm finished with more 10k words!


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